Czechoslovakia

Enjoy a fun excerpt from “A Cup of Tea on the Commode.”

Weeks before Mom’s passing, Michael shared a joke with me. When I heard the punchline, I’d said, “Mom would be the only one to get that right.”

Little did I know my comment would inspire Michael’s eulogy. Amid a long Catholic Mass and thirteen minutes into his tribute where he skillfully weaved in Mom’s proofreading prowess and stories of her caring for our sick pets, we were all more than ready for him to wrap it up. To everyone’s surprise and to my delight, he closed with this:

Seventeen years ago, Dad died and went to heaven. Peter greeted him at the pearly gates.

Peter: Noel, you did a good job on Earth, but I have one more test for you before you can enter. 

Dad: A test?

Peter: A spelling test. 

Dad: I’m better at math.

Peter: Don’t worry. It’s easy. Spell “love.”

Dad: Love? L-O-V-E.

Peter: Congratulations, you’re in.

Years later, Peter retired, and Dad becomes heaven’s gatekeeper. He takes great pride in administering the final test to those hoping to enter. One day, in the distance, he sees a familiar face approaching.

Dad: Genevieve, is that you?

Mom: Noel? 

Dad: Wow, it’s been a long time. 

Mom: I tried to come sooner, but— 

Dad: I know, “Be patient.”

Mom: Was that you?

Dad: No, no.

Mom: Why are you out here?

Dad: I’m the gatekeeper.

Mom: Good for you. 

Dad: So, before you can enter there’s a little test.

Mom: A test?

Dad: A spelling test. 

Mom: Really?

Dad: Don’t worry. It’s easy. Spell “Czechoslovakia.”

Mom: (She narrows her eyes, then rattles off) C-Z-E-C-H-O-S-L-O-V-A-K-I-A.

Dad: (grinning) On the ball, Gen. On the ball.

As Michael left the podium, the congregation broke into applause, quite unusual at a Catholic Mass. I whispered to myself, “On the ball, Mike. On the ball.”

A Message from Heaven?

Before Deecy headed home, she took a stroll through the aisles of family items stored in the basement of Michael’s offices. While searching for high school mementos, she came upon an old pencil box with a map of the world on its lid and a dial on the bottom. Turn the dial to choose a country and its capital appeared in the opposite window. No one had seen or touched this pencil box in decades. I never knew it existed, but I believe Mom did. The country displayed in the dusty window was “Czechoslovakia.”

And its capital? Mum’s the word.