If Your Mother Deserves to be Treated like Royalty…

If your mother deserves to be treated like royalty in her golden years, you’ll love this book. You’ll laugh out loud. You’ll cry out loud. Sorry for the crying part. Click here to watch the video teaser.

Here’s an excerpt from the award-winning “A Cup of Tea on the Commode: My Multi-Tasking Adventures of Caring for Mom and How I Survived to Tell the Tale.”

Mom: What have they got to eat?
Me: I’m the “they.”
Mom: Well, what have you got?

Just like that, as soon as I took over, reality hit. My mother made her priorities as clear as a dinner bell.

“I’m hungry. Feed me.”

It didn’t matter who fed her. Only what and when. And she could be mean about it after depending on others for so long, some of whom couldn’t have cared less. But I did care. My goal was to restore what had been whittled away over the past four and a half years: her dignity. But first, I had to feed her.

Other than her long red nails, she had little else to feel good about. She wore no makeup, no lipstick, and her long hair was often coiled in a lifeless bun. Her nightshirts, which doubled as day shirts, were old, drab, and tattered. Her socks were slippery and dangerous.

The first order of business was a new wardrobe, including, for safety reasons, non-slip socks. That meant shopping. Nothing would please her more or please me less. But since this was to be a surprise, I kept quiet, made an excuse, and snuck out to the mall on my own. A middle-aged man shopping for nightgowns for his ninety-year-old mother shouldn’t be too uncomfortable, right?

Wrong. Not only was it uncomfortable as hell, but it was also disappointing. After rummaging through the racks of several stores and dealing with stares from young salesgirls and dirty old women, I found the same drab nightshirts that doubled as day shirts like the ones Mom already owned, only newer and not yet tattered. Other than identifying an untapped fashion niche (someone should get on that), I struck out.

But as my mother’s son, determined to fulfill not only a want but a need, and living in the twenty-first century, I went shopping online. I looked up night dresses, nightshirts, and nightgowns for seniors. Hoping to find something bright, comfortable, age appropriate, and functional, as in easy-on-easy-off, I came up empty. (I’m serious, someone needs to address that gold mine of a market niche). So I deleted “age appropriate” and tried again.

Bingo. An abundance of options filled the computer screen. My next problem: choosing. After careful consideration, I ordered several stretchy cotton nightdresses in colors that complemented Mom’s complexion: pink, blue, and one—dare I say it—in sexy black. All with long sleeves for storing her well-worn tissues and on the short side to show off her still-shapely legs. The new gowns were a hit. She loved them, she looked good in them, and she received several compliments.

To learn more about the book, click here.

Click here to get your own “A Cup of Tea on the Commode.” You’ll laugh out loud. You’ll cry out loud. Sorry for the crying part. Ebook is just $6.99.

#Humor #Memoir #eldercare #acupofteaonthecommode #christmas